The Adventure Of A Lifetime

So I'm not even sure if anyone will read this because it's been so long since I've been on it. But I'm reviving this blog in hopes of recording the events of an adventure that I will be going on this summer. This summer I will be hitchhiking. Yes. Hitchhiking. The reason I will be doing this is because I believe that God wants me to do it; for a couple of reasons. So that I can minister to different people as I travel, and so that I will have the opportunity to be in a position where I have to trust God for everything. I'm planning to leave May 16th which is exactly one week from today. My plan is to hike to Smithville TN to work at a children's camp I've been involved with for the past few years. Then I plan to hitchhike abroad for awhile then come home sometime in August or September. I would greatly appreciate your prayers through this endeavor if ever you think of me. I hope to have the chance to post about my adventures at various stops along the way to give an account of what God is doing. And I would be honored for you to share in this adventure with me.

Three hearts

Awake my love, the morning comes!
 At last I see your smiling face
 Grant me this and only this
 To be with you till slumber wins

 Is there need for other things?
 What joy can any other bring?
 I chose to set my love on you
and nothing else can ever do

 Forever, now you've told me twice
 I believe; with all that I am
 Come what may come what will
 Forever we'll be together still

 What is this? I call. I call.
 But no one comes for quite a while
There you are! I've found you now
 Where'd you go? I'm glad your safe

 Rest, rest. I hear you say
 I lost my way, but now I'm here
 And now again we'll never part
 Don't worry, don't worry, you have my heart

Where'd you go now? Lost again?
 My love has lost her way again
 Twice now the door has closed
 But is she lost, or has she gone?

 Lost, Lost! you say to me
 I lost my way but not again
This time I will watch my way
This time I will never stray

 Now your here, but where'd you go?
 You're here in flesh but not in soul
The lamp I see is burning out
The flame is gone, but where'd it go?

 Another, another. There is another.
Your heart has loved another lover
 So here I stand with broken glass
From a memory never come to pass

 Oh, what is that I seem to hear?
 Forever, forever rings in my ear
 A promise I hoped would last
But crumbles now at first attack

 Formed it was with sincere love
But lacking that which makes it strong
 No pith, no strength no commitment was found
 It was thought that feeling would linger round

 Come back my love it isn't safe!
 Your lover loves with cruel hate
 Guard your heart, don't let it break
 Come back to me, come back it's safe

 Too late, too late the damage is done
 Two hearts are scarred from one mistake
 One breaks from loss, one breaks from gain
 Oh, will they ever be the same?

 Away, away she's gone away
 I want to follow, to show the way
 But lost in full is her love for me
 How can you help what scorns your love?

 No, not lost. I see a spark
 A tiny flame inside her heart
 Will it last? And will it grow?
 I guess it's not for me to know

 The wood cries out from stinging blows
 The roots can feel it down below
The pain extends to every part
The pain, the pain of a broken heart

 Return to me my lover scorned
 For I as well have left a love
 Return to me and heal this pain
I am the loved who's lost a lover

 Good morning, my love that never left
 I don't deserve your tender care
What is this? The one I loved
Has come again to love the lover

Running

I'm not sure if I really like it...The timing seems to be a little off, but here it is anyway. :)

This is much more than yes or no
It's more than just a missing piece

Peace, when did it vanish?
Time, how did it sneak by?

Buy for me another chance
Or send me a shining Knight

Night may show us the stars
But they were always there

Their warning never came
And yet, the train still leaves

Leaves change, but never overnight
Between summer and winter come fall

Fall to the ground now
Rise before the sun

The son prepares to leave his home
Always with a tear in his eye

I watch for the answer to come
And pray that it's not all a lie

Lie here for a while and pray with me
And together we can write the tale

Tell me now if I should leave
But don't leave me here to wait

Weight so heavy I cannot stand
Wind so cold it leave me bare

Bear with me a little, while I fight
Then follow me into the dark wood

Would you stay to the end of time?
Sit on the beach and watch the sea?

See the world at your fingertips
Those fingers afraid to let go

Go east! says a voice to me
A voice I've heard but don't know

No where to go but into the storm
And pray that I make it out alive

Impossible?

I recently watched Alice In Wonderland, and I must say I enjoyed it much more than I expected. I think my favorite part would have to be the repeated scenes where it was said "I like to believe 6 impossible things before breakfast." I have a great infatuation (as I suppose everyone does) with the plausibility of the impossible. I like to see the impossible happen.

I listened to a sermon today that spoke of faith, and how the gospel seems so impossible that the only way to accept it is by faith. I think my favorite thing about little kids is how they sincerely believe that nothing is impossible. Perhaps that's why we must come to God like a child. Because for a child "impossible" is only something that hasn't happened yet. The older we get the less we believe the impossible because it hasn't happened yet so, we reason, it never will. But who are we to say it won't happen? All we can say is that it hasn't happened yet. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Without faith it is impossible to please God.
So dream, believe. Don't be afraid of believing something because it hasn't been proven, for how can you prove it unless you first believe it? Do you dream to fly? Or perhaps aspire to sing like an angel? Perhaps it's because you were meant to, and you will, but not yet. At last we come to discover that it is a paradox even to believe the impossible, for with God all things are possible. So believe, dream, imagine. If you desire the "impossible" don't think yourself silly. Desire it. It may just come true. Be a child, believe, have faith, throw away your pride. Impossible? Hardly. It is but an opportunity to prove it's possibility.

We love with hearts entwined.
Dancing in the pure rain. 
Still our souls are untouched

feelings that flew now resigned. 
Yet through the tears and pain
We love with souls entwined. 

Hearts cry with voice combined
Return! Is the refrain.
Still our souls are untouched. 

thorns, the rose designed. 
Though it wraps like A chain
We love with hearts entwined. 

Now our thoughts are aligned. 
At last we see the way. 
Still our souls are untouched. 

Can the time rewind?
Until what's lost we gain?
        (until then)
We love with hearts entwined
Still with souls untouched. 

Of dead things

To Him who makes the dead whole,
Who makes the world grow. 
Will I give my broken soul?

I cannot attain my goal,
For there is a debt I owe,
To Him who makes the dead whole. 

My heart is as black as coal,
But If He can make it like snow 
Will I give my broken soul?

If it is in my control
Should I give up and go?
To Him who makes the dead whole?

If He saves me from this hole
Then promises to never let go,
Will I give my broken soul?

And as I hear the bells toll
There is but one thing I know,
To Him who makes the dead whole
Will I give my broken soul. 

Romans 7 (a new perspective)

This is an overview of kinda what I've been going through since the last time I've been on here....

For a long time, more like all my life I viewed myself as a "good Christian" a hard working, self controlled individual that had a good outlook on the world. I had flaws, but they were small and understandable. I was proud of my humbleness. And for the most part I did good enough to stay in good with God. I was very comfortable here, because I had convinced myself that I was sincere and really did the big things that I was expected to do.
Then little by little I noticed how highly I thought of myself. So i thought "oh, no big deal, I'll just ask God to make me humble" That's when everything crashed. Because God did something I didn't expect. He answered my prayer. I thought the mere act of praying for humbleness was humbleness enough. But it wasn't, and God had something bigger planned for me.

I expected humbleness to be something that was just given to me. I didn't realize that I would actually have to be humbled. So began the process. I began to fail at things that I had previously succeeded at, sins that I had previously held "under control" began to take control of me, and I didn't have the "spiritual feeling" that I had before.

You would think that at this point I would repent and turn to Christ, but I'm to stubborn for that. I id start reading my Bible more. I even gave up lots of things that I enjoyed so that I could get back on Gods "good side" it worked too. But then I thought it was all good, so I stopped reading and praying, then fell right back where I was before. This cycle went on and on for seemingly forever! I've always thought that the Israelites must be so dumb to keep forgetting God repenting then forgetting Him again and again. Until I realized I was doing the same thing. The reason I stayed in this cycle for so long was because I was only focused on myself. I would turn to God because I was miserable without Him, but as soon as I felt good again I stopped feeling like I needed Him.

Eventually I realized what God had been telling me for so long. Everything can't be about me! In fact nothing is! This is something I'm still learning, but that was the first time I really felt it instead of just "knowing it."
So now everything's good right? I wish.... My perspective had changed and it was wonderful! I began seeking God to know Him, and give glory to Him simply because He deserved it. I wanted to be in love with God and have every fiber of my being addicted to God. Reality check....I wasn't. But my ambition was to be and so I strove for it, and failed, then despaired. Then I tried again, failed, and got depressed again because I couldn't do it. I had fallen into a new cycle that was just as frustrating as the former if not more so. I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong. Was it wrong to want to love God perfectly with every part of me? If not then why did it seem so hopeless?
This is the state I was in when I read Romans chapter 7, then heard a sermon series about it from John Piper. This is when I realized two things. 1.I am wretched, and I have no ability to do good. 2. Though sin has been defeated it has not been destroyed, and it still remains within us, which means that defeat is a part of the Christian life. And it will be until we are glorified.

Because of this my out look has changed. Now I see myself as a lowly servant dependent on God for victory. I don't accept sin as something that is just part of my life and so it's ok, but I will not despair when it does get the upper hand or give up because of it. Instead I confess my weakness and cry out to God for strength and mercy.

Living this way has done a few things for me. It makes God so much more beautiful and precious to me. It keeps me from dwelling in defeat, and it gives me hope. I still want to be completely in love with God and be perfect, but I realize my weakness and need for a Saviour. Best of all it creates in me a longing for the day when I will be completely sanctified.